The Abarai's - Renji is Done
by CanonBleachQueen
Summary: Renji is done. So he goes drinking to get the expert advice of his drinking pals; Rangiku, of course, Momo, Yumichika, and Ikkaku. Should be good advice.


_Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo_

Renji is done.

Not a big surprise, the red-head is often stressed out and runs away from the source of stress, and goes to relax by seeking out his drinking buddies. Of course, today was no different, but he felt bad for leaving the situation, but at the same time he was glad to be safe from it.

"So, what's got you here Renji?" Our favourite busty drunk blonde said to the tattooed man sitting across from her and their drinking party. Usually, Shunsui would be there but since becoming the Head Captain, he's been under serious Nanao surveillance. It only got worse when they became a couple, now poor Shunsui is constantly in the eye of the terrifying straight laced Lieutenant.

"U-uh... I can't be at home right now… Things are tough there right now" He mumbled, drinking his sake with a guilty look on his face.

"What, you mean with Rukia?" Yumichika chimed in, taking the opportunity to dig further into the goings-on in the personal lives of the hottest couple in the Seireitei. At least in his and Rangiku's minds. Silence soon answered his question, and immediately he received a slap upside the head.

"O-ow! What the fuck was that for, Rangiku?!" He snapped at the woman, who was looking even more pissed than his wife at home.

"You just up and left Rukia at home?! You absolute idiot" She deadpanned, making Yumichika who was sitting next to her gasp and nod in agreement.

"You fool. You just left your pregnant wife there after an argument?!" Renji was sinking further and further into his seat, and into his sake.

"Y-you don't get it!" He tried to defend himself, but Ikkaku picked that as the best time to intervene.

"You're a shady bastard Renji. Who knew you'd be such a lousy husband, huh?" Ikkaku did his best to hide the smirk on his face, he really did. Honest.

"W-wha?! Shut up Ikkaku, how would you know?!" Renji snapped back, damn near growling at his former squad mate, as the baldy just kept smirking at his misfortune.

"Okay so, what did you do?" This voice surprisingly came from Momo, who had begun hanging out with the gang just after the war. She had become closer with Rangiku, and rebuilt her long friendship with Renji, especially after he proposed to Rukia. She was a bridesmaid at the wedding, after all. Though she didn't really drink much, Rangiku used her as protection when it came to her dear Captain, who was now with her little Momo, and he often took it easier on her if Momo was involved. Just a little, but it's worth having that little bit of slack.

"W-why do you assume that I did something?! It's her I tell ya, she's gone crazy. I dunno if it's the hormones or what, but one minute she's all up on me, the next she's cryin, the next she's reaching for Sode no Shirayuki and chasing me all around the house! And don't be fooled, alright? Just cause she's small and heavily pregnant with my kid, don't mean she can't move. I mean damn it, almost cut my braid off" He said, his hand going to his braid absentmindedly.

After his speech, the men at the table began to understand their poor Renji's feelings, being no strangers to the weird ways of women. I mean, if they were bad on their cycles, then how the hell would a pregnant one be. Both Ikkaku and Yumichika both shuddered at the thought. The girls however…

"You absolute bastard" Rangiku muttered. Momo nodding along with her. Renji's mouth fell open in shock, why the hell was he getting the brunt of this?!

"What do you mean?!" He cried, looking at the women for an explanation.

"You really are an idiot Renji. Rukia's about a week late into giving birth, you don't think she's feeling like hell right now?! Her feet are probably swollen and painful, her back must be in agony…" Momo said, giving Renji a look of disappointment.

"Yeah! And let's not forget how sore her boobs must be… All that milk in there ready to be used, it's probably building up. Do you know how painful that is for us girls?! I mean, we don't personally, but hell I've known enough pregnant women and felt enough soreness in mine to have a damn idea" Rangiku said, whining at the part about her own boobs being sore. The men were read and Ikkaku was currently on the floor with a nosebleed.

"And not to mention her emotions are probably all over the place! I mean she probably just wants her baby in her arms, don't you think she's worried that it's taking so long?" Momo added, looking at Renji for an answer.

"W-why would she though? Isane's already told her the baby's fine and should be here any minute, I always tell her to quit worrying about it..." Renji said, his voice dying down at the end in shame. He never really understood how crappy she must be feeling right now, it's true she's been complaining about her sore feet and back for weeks now, and it only got worse after her due date. But he figured it couldn't be as bad as the soreness you get from training.

"Well, that's not enough. I'm sorry but she's having your child Renji, it's a slow, painful and hard process. Give her some credit, she's allowed to be a nightmare after all this, I think she's earned it." Rangiku said, earning a firm nod from all parties on the table, even the guys.

"I must admit, a woman's feats never cease to amaze me. I couldn't cope with any of that, I mean, a wound or decapitation, sure. But atleast that can only happen once or twice…" Ikkaku said, shuddering again at the thought of being a woman.

"Women are a tough species, even though terrifying and sometimes completely unbeautiful" Yumichik agreed, gaining a glare from Rangiku about the 'unbeautiful' thing.

"Renji… Just go back, you have only had one cup of sake, and I can see it on your face that you don't like being away from her right now. I wish I had some better advice for you, but Rukia is going through the brunt of this, so I'm afraid your gonna have to suck it up. Your job is to be her punching bag at a time like this, that's the price to pay for you" Momo said with a friendly hand on his shoulder, and a warm encouraging smile. Renji sighs, staring into the bottom of his half-empty cup. He knows she's right, and he feels like a lousy bastard right about now.

"Yeah yeah, I know. I just hope she's not gone and got her brother into it, god dammit I'll be dead if he chases after me with Senbonzakura" He mutters, getting up and putting some money on the table for their tab. He says his goodbyes and leaves his pals to continue their drinking session. They wave and order more shots and sake bottles, thanks to Rangiku.

"He's gonna die" Rangiku said happily.

"Yeah" Momo said, taking a sip of her own drink, thinking about what kind of decorations she should use for his funeral.

Back at home, Renji finds Rukia asleep. She looks fine, no tear marks, nothings broken, and most of all her brother is nowhere in sight. She's on the sofa with her stuffed Chappy, and a baby grow that they had picked out for when she goes into the Squad 4 barracks to have their daughter.

Renji was ecstatic to find out that he would be having a little girl. Rukia thought he might be disappointed that it wasn't a boy, as a lot of men would prefer sons as their first children. But, Renji couldn't care less. He was already envisioning a little girl who looked just like Rukia with his attitude, clinging to him and telling him he's the best dad ever. She'll be a total daddy's girl, he always tells Rukia. The only thing Rukia cares about is getting her completely enthralled in the world of Chappy, and keeping away any Ambassador Seaweed related things that her brother has stored away for when she arrives.

Looking around, Renji gets a blanket and covers his sleeping wife and unborn child with the soft fabric, making her stir a little in her sleep. Her eyes flutter open the tiniest bit, and she smiles at him before going back to sleep, but not before saying something to her husband.

"Sorry Renji"

He smiles and leans down to give his infuriating, beautiful, hot-headed, bunny-loving wife a kiss on the cheek before snuggling her up with the blanket, and standing to his feet.

"No problem. I'm gonna get dinner going, I'll wake ya when it's done" Renji begins dinner and thinks about the fact that any day now there'll be another chair at their small table. He just hopes he can survive his demon-wife by then to actually see the child and tell her how crazy her mom is.


End file.
